Her: Topic #15

So every other week when it is my turn to pick the topic for that week I usually start looking by typing sexual related phrases into Wikipedia or Google. This week was a little different though. I was looking at military related things, because in a year or two I want to join the Navy. Then I came across this picture of the Marines and I read the comments and it made me think of this topic! So anyways, here is my response…

I don’t think that gender should affect whether something is hot or repulsive, or acceptable or not. Obviously some people are not attracted to certain genders, but that does not make it alright to post rude comments.

I don’t think that it is ok to post rude comments or make rude remarks regardless of gender, but it especially annoys me when someone is ok with say lesbians kissing but not gay men, I mean if you are homophobic you would think you would be regardless of whether it is two men or two women.

In regards to these images specifically, I ESPECIALLY don’t think people should be making rude comments because Marines, Sailors, Soldiers, and Airmen (almost forgot, Coast Guard too!) are out there risking their life for our freedom. It is ridiculous when people harass homosexuals in the military, if you have a problem with them serving, how bout you take their place and go to Afghanistan for them and risk your life for our country. But I digress.

I think that love shouldn’t be determined by the gender of the people in the relationship. I also don’t think that it is anyone’s business other than the two people in the relationship. When I read comments that are judging people’s lifestyles I really think those people need to get a life and quit worrying about what other people are doing and just concentrate on themselves.

So I guess to summarize, I don’t think that gender should play a role in same sex couples, and how society views them. 

Him: Topic 15

A kiss is a kiss no matter the gender of the participants. I’ve honestly never understood the dichotomy that exists in society in regards to gay and lesbian couples kissing in public. I mean, people don’t seem to get up in arms when a woman and a man kiss, or make out, in public. If you look at the average college campus, you’ll see more straight and lesbian couples openly showing affection for each other than you EVER will gay male couples. 

Looking at the pictures that generated all the negative comments from this weeks topic, I can’t help but wonder, what if the man with his legs around his partners waist was a woman? Would the comments have been the same? Something tells me that no, those comments would have been very positive. I’m assuming that the only real problem with that picture is that it sets off people’s homophobia. 

Now, onto the question of why I think there is such a radically different public view on when talking about lesbians kissing and gay men kissing. For me, I don’t see any real difference between either. One doesn’t do anything for me erotically…but, that doesn’t make me hate it or say horrible things about the people kissing. I don’t know, maybe I’m just weird, but I think everyone should be entitled to kiss their partner wherever the hell they want.

The idea that lesbians kissing is “Hot” has got to come from men feeling emasculated by two women making out in front of them. The only way that men could possible accept that a woman could be more attracted to a woman than to say…him, is if he’s allowed to get hot watching, thereby placing himself back into the equation. Honestly, if you are reading this and you are one of those men, please do eveyone a favor and get a life. 

As I sit here writing this, I can almost guarantee that there is a straight man someone harassing a gay couple…because when he saw them kissing he got a little excited. Instead of accepting that they might be gay, or bi, or just think two dudes kissing is kinda hot, they lash out. I’ll never understand how this is still possible in this day and age, Human sexuality is not finite people, it’s infinite. 

Don’t be afraid of your sexuality, embrace it. Explore it and find out what you really like and don’t like, and if anyone tells you it’s wrong, tell ‘em they should try it too. I started this blog for the express purpose of bringing sexuality to the table and letting people read about things that they might never have heard of or been too afraid to look into. 

So, in closing, if you are a man who gets turned on a little bit when you see two men kiss, don’t lash out, embrace it and move on. If you are a man who feels emasculated by lesbians kissing, remember that you wouldn’t like to be objectified either. I’m not saying that only men have this problem, but I feel like a mojority of the blame can be placed on the heads of men. 

Topic #15: Society’s View on Gay vs. Lesbian Relationships

So this week’s topic is not really about the military, as the hints might make it seem, but it was inspired by a military story I was reading. This week’s topic is society’s views on male-male (gay), female-male (straight), and female-female (lesbian) relationships, and how people may accept one but not the other, and all of the controversy of accepting say a lesbian relationship as ok, but not a gay one. 

So, the background information:

[Note: to respect the privacy of the people who made these comments, I am blurring out their names. If you want to read the comments for yourself though, I have attached the links to the articles where I found the comments.]

Image 1: U.S. Marine Kissing His Boyfriend

This was the image that sparked my interest in this topic. I was reading comments on an article I was reading, and noticed there were a lot more negative comments on this image than on the image of the Navy woman kissing her girlfriend did.

Some of the comments about the Gay Marine picture:

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/27/us-marine-kissing-his-boyfriend-photo_n_1303848.html

Now I could go on and on and on and on and find more negative posts, but I think you get the point.

Image 2: U.S. Navy Sailor Kissing Her Girlfriend

Now let’s look at some of the comments the female Navy kiss got.

Source: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/nationnow/2011/12/a-public-embrace-between-two-female-sailors-from-california-is-being-hailed-as-the-kiss-heard-round-the-world-by-activists-wh.html

Now don’t get me wrong, there are negative and positive posts on both, but I think that this post sums up the entire purpose of this week’s topic:

Society so often views one thing as ok, but another similar thing as not being ok. Why would someone be ok with a lesbian couple, but not a gay one (or vice-versa)?

So for Him and Her, why do you think that society views two homosexual relationships differently, just because of gender? As some comments put it, why are two women kissing “hot”, and two men kissing “disgusting”?

Her: Topic #14

So this week’s topic is… painful to think about! Urethral sounding, is inserting an object into the penis, and in the context of fetishes/sex it is for pleasure. First of all, I cannot even begin to IMAGINE how it would be sexually pleasing to insert a metal rod into one’s penis! To me (a girl) it seems like that would not be fun or enjoyable. 

Another thought that came into my head when I read this topic was, “what if you lose your grip on the rod and it goes all the way in?!” That would be a very unpleasant trip to the emergency room to get it out. 

Also, it seems to me that if you keep stretching to the point of no return, it seems as though it could be damaging medically. I’ve also known people who were in the hospital and got an infection from a catheter for medical purposes, so I could see how you could easily get an infection from putting an object into your urethra at home, where there are more germs! Also, in terms of medical issues, a tear in your penis…WHO would want to risk that!!!

On another note, I knew about sounding (because Him told me about it) but I didn’t know that urethral intercourse was something females did as well. I myself, would NEVER do that!

Overall, I find this entire topic to be a bit disturbing and something I myself would never participate in!

Her: Topic #13

So this week’s topic is definitely an interesting one. For the most part I have similar views to the issue as Him. Although I don’t remember it being explicitly discussed, it was always assumed while growing up that you should wait until marriage. I went to Lutheran schools growing up, so it was part of the religious culture that made that message clear.

For high school though, I switched out of the private schools into the public school system. Best decision ever. I was opened to new ideas and my perspectives changed drastically. Now back to the topic of virginity.

I agree with Him, that if a girl loses her virginity and sleeps around then she is viewed as promiscuous or a slut. Similarly, if a boy sleeps around he is a player and “cool”. I think that is highly overrated, if someone sleeps with other people, then they shouldn’t be viewed as anything by society because it is a personal decision.

I think in the past it was more appropriate to view sex as something negative or just what you do to have children, but times are changing. Sex is something that people do for multiple reasons, maybe just fun, maybe to show your love towards a partner, or to have children, either way people shouldn’t judge people on whether they sleep with people or not.

I personally have not had sex, but I am not waiting until marriage, I am waiting until I find the right person.

Also, considering that same-sex couples can’t get married in many places, they would be waiting for nothing, or possibly for a VERY long time until it becomes legal. Heterosexual couples that think you should wait until marriage need to remember that they have privileges that homosexual couples are neglected from, and they shouldn’t judge people for the decisions that they make. 

Topic #13: Virginity

This week’s topic was prompted by a person’s question. So for this week we are looking at virginity, and specifically comparing and contrasting how society views males vs. females losing it. 

Virginity refers to the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. There are cultural and religious traditions which place special value and significance on this state, especially in the case of unmarried females, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Like chastity, the concept of virginity has traditionally involved sexual abstinence before marriage, and then to engage in sexual acts only with the marriage partner.

Unlike the term premarital sex, which can refer to more than one occasion of sexual activity and can be judgment neutral, the concept of virginity usually involves moral or religious issues and can have consequences in terms of social status and in interpersonal relationships.

The term originally only referred to sexually inexperienced women, but has evolved to encompass a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts. Heterosexual individuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile-vaginal penetration, while people of other sexual orientations may include oral sex, anal sex or mutual masturbation in their definitions of losing one’s virginity. Further, whether a person can lose his or her virginity through rape is also subject to debate, with the belief that virginity can only be lost through consensual sex being prevalent in some studies.

Females

The first act of sexual intercourse by a female is commonly considered within many cultures to be an important personal milestone. Its significance is reflected in expressions such as “saving oneself”, “losing one’s virginity,” “taking someone’s virginity” and sometimes as “deflowering.” The occasion is at times seen as the end of innocence, integrity, or purity, and the sexualization of the individual.

Traditionally, there was a cultural expectation that a female would not engage in premarital sex and would come to her wedding a virgin, which would be indicated by the bride wearing a white gown, and that she would “give up” her virginity to her new husband in the act of consummation of the marriage.

In some cultures, it is so important that a female be a virgin that a female will refrain from inserting any object into her vagina, such as a tampon, menstrual cup or dildo, or undergoing some medical examinations, so as not to damage the hymen. Some females who have been previously sexually active (or their hymen has been otherwise damaged) may undergo a surgical procedure, called hymenorrhaphy or hymenoplasty, to repair or replace her hymen, and cause vaginal bleeding on the next intercourse as proof of virginity (see below). In some cultures, an unmarried female who is found not to be a virgin, whether by choice or as a result of a rape, can be subject to shame, ostracism or even an honor killing. In those cultures, female virginity is closely interwoven with personal or even family honor, especially those known as shame societies, in which the loss of virginity before marriage is a matter of deep shame. In other cultures, for example in many modern-day Western cultures, sexual abstinence before marriage is not taken as seriously as it is in those discussed above.

Males

Historically, and in modern times, female virginity has been regarded as more significant than male virginity. The perception that sexual prowess is fundamental to masculinity has lowered the expectation of male virginity without lowering the social status. For example, in some Islamic cultures, though premarital sex is forbidden in the Quran with regard to both men and women, unmarried women who have been sexually active (or even raped) are subject to name-calling, shunning, or family shame, while unmarried men who have lost their virginities are not. Cross-culturally, males are expected and/or encouraged to want to engage in sexual activity, and to be more sexually-experienced. Not following these standards often leads to teasing and other such ridicule from their male peers. A 2003 study by the Guttmacher Institute showed that, in most countries, most men have experienced sexual intercourse by their 20th birthdays.

Females are more accepting of male virginity, but there exists negative feelings about the topic even among women. Reflective of the Guttmacher study, some women perceive men being virgins past their early twenties to be an undesirable trait and would decline marriage due to the man’s sexual inexperience; in these cases, male virginity is considered to threaten the fantasy some women have about men knowing how to sexually please them.

Within American culture in particular, male virginity has been made an object of embarrassment and ridicule in films such as Summer of ‘42, American Pie and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, with the male virgin typically being presented as socially inept. However, some have challenged the negative connotations regarding male virginity, as well as the belief that males should want to lose their virginities at earlier ages than their female counterparts.

Her: Topic 12

This week’s topic, surprisingly enough, I am somewhat familiar with. No, I don’t perform BDSM activities, but I’ve been told a lot about it and researched it some. So, where to begin?

I guess I will go over some of the types and give my opinion.

When I think of BDSM, the first thing that comes to mind is bondage. Being tied up or handcuffed to the bed frame and your partner doing what they want to you. For me, I would be a bit freaked out if I was the one being tied up. I think it would feel claustrophobic and like you were just trapped. Next I generally think of whipping. Again, I would probably not want to partake in that. I wouldn’t want to be whipped and I wouldn’t want to hurt my partner either.

I suppose I will continue down the list that was mentioned on the informational post. But I will skip CBT since it doesn’t really pertain to me.

Wax play- you definitely need to be careful of the temperature of the wax. It would be bad to show up at work with a blister from being burnt, and a co-worker asking what happened.

Golden showers- I don’t really see how being peed on would be “hot” or sexually satisfying. If you want to be wet, just jump in the shower with your partner and maybe incorporate some SOAP rather than urine.

Strap on play- now the wiki link for this describes it as “a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo,” but really this I could see as being someone for lesbians too, since neither have a penis to begin with.

Sexual role play- depending on the roles you take, I would see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. The first thing that comes to mind is a teacher-student role play. Obviously the teacher would be the dominant role, and the student would be the submissive role. Depending on the roles, I would possibly be into this.

Medical Play- I was discussing this one with Him, and depending on how intense the play was, I can see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. If you are just doing medical type stuff like exams and stuff without being tied up or needles or anything like that, it would be more of just role playing, not really BDSM.

Suspension- I always considered this just to be bondage before reading this topic, but really I see how it is a classification in and of itself. It is more risky since you are suspended in the air.

Erotic electrostimulation kind of frightens me. I would NOT want to do that at all.

Spanking- kind of similar to whipping, except using your hand, not a whip to hit your partner. Again I would not want to do that because I don’t want to hurt the person I am with.

I guess overall, I’m not one who would particularly like BDSM. But I suppose some people enjoy the thrill of it.

After reading this week’s topic, I wanted to see if there were any psychological findings behind the practice of BDSM. This is what I found.

“Believe it or not, there’s a lot of psychology that goes into the BDSM lifestyle, particularly what most people consider your basic BDSM scene: one Dominant plus one submissive. You may be surprised to learn that most of BDSM is actually more work than sex.”

The article then continues with an experience a person went through while performing BDSM.

“Recently, a friend confided to me that he had been in the middle of a scene with a woman, nothing too heavy, and he had been working on a particular psychological scenario with her. It was totally unrelated to her life, or so he thought. It was a situation where certain obstacles got progressively harder, but it was meant to be in fun, and she had, in the past, enjoyed those games. That night, however, for some reason, the games took her to a different place. She stopped enjoying it (to my friend’s credit, he took note of this very quickly, and was immediately responsive to her needs), and started shaking. For whatever reason, the scenario had brought back long repressed memories of rape. It had happened when she was so little, that she didn’t recall it until that night. Has she been in what we call a “vanilla” relationship, or one that is not based in BDSM, she might never have discovered this, because sex may have just been “business as usual.” Whether or not her rediscovery of long lost, painful memories is a blessing or a curse, and you can debate that as you will, there is no argument that “The Scene,” as it’s called, is a place where a lot of people come to learn more about themselves. In my opinion, those who choose the role of submissive learn more about themselves than those who choose to be Dominant.”

I never generally thought of sexual acts to be enlightening or being able to discover things about yourself that you had been suppressing or had forgotten about, but I guess I was wrong.