Her: Topic 12

This week’s topic, surprisingly enough, I am somewhat familiar with. No, I don’t perform BDSM activities, but I’ve been told a lot about it and researched it some. So, where to begin?

I guess I will go over some of the types and give my opinion.

When I think of BDSM, the first thing that comes to mind is bondage. Being tied up or handcuffed to the bed frame and your partner doing what they want to you. For me, I would be a bit freaked out if I was the one being tied up. I think it would feel claustrophobic and like you were just trapped. Next I generally think of whipping. Again, I would probably not want to partake in that. I wouldn’t want to be whipped and I wouldn’t want to hurt my partner either.

I suppose I will continue down the list that was mentioned on the informational post. But I will skip CBT since it doesn’t really pertain to me.

Wax play- you definitely need to be careful of the temperature of the wax. It would be bad to show up at work with a blister from being burnt, and a co-worker asking what happened.

Golden showers- I don’t really see how being peed on would be “hot” or sexually satisfying. If you want to be wet, just jump in the shower with your partner and maybe incorporate some SOAP rather than urine.

Strap on play- now the wiki link for this describes it as “a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo,” but really this I could see as being someone for lesbians too, since neither have a penis to begin with.

Sexual role play- depending on the roles you take, I would see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. The first thing that comes to mind is a teacher-student role play. Obviously the teacher would be the dominant role, and the student would be the submissive role. Depending on the roles, I would possibly be into this.

Medical Play- I was discussing this one with Him, and depending on how intense the play was, I can see how this could and couldn’t be classified as BDSM. If you are just doing medical type stuff like exams and stuff without being tied up or needles or anything like that, it would be more of just role playing, not really BDSM.

Suspension- I always considered this just to be bondage before reading this topic, but really I see how it is a classification in and of itself. It is more risky since you are suspended in the air.

Erotic electrostimulation kind of frightens me. I would NOT want to do that at all.

Spanking- kind of similar to whipping, except using your hand, not a whip to hit your partner. Again I would not want to do that because I don’t want to hurt the person I am with.

I guess overall, I’m not one who would particularly like BDSM. But I suppose some people enjoy the thrill of it.

After reading this week’s topic, I wanted to see if there were any psychological findings behind the practice of BDSM. This is what I found.

“Believe it or not, there’s a lot of psychology that goes into the BDSM lifestyle, particularly what most people consider your basic BDSM scene: one Dominant plus one submissive. You may be surprised to learn that most of BDSM is actually more work than sex.”

The article then continues with an experience a person went through while performing BDSM.

“Recently, a friend confided to me that he had been in the middle of a scene with a woman, nothing too heavy, and he had been working on a particular psychological scenario with her. It was totally unrelated to her life, or so he thought. It was a situation where certain obstacles got progressively harder, but it was meant to be in fun, and she had, in the past, enjoyed those games. That night, however, for some reason, the games took her to a different place. She stopped enjoying it (to my friend’s credit, he took note of this very quickly, and was immediately responsive to her needs), and started shaking. For whatever reason, the scenario had brought back long repressed memories of rape. It had happened when she was so little, that she didn’t recall it until that night. Has she been in what we call a “vanilla” relationship, or one that is not based in BDSM, she might never have discovered this, because sex may have just been “business as usual.” Whether or not her rediscovery of long lost, painful memories is a blessing or a curse, and you can debate that as you will, there is no argument that “The Scene,” as it’s called, is a place where a lot of people come to learn more about themselves. In my opinion, those who choose the role of submissive learn more about themselves than those who choose to be Dominant.”

I never generally thought of sexual acts to be enlightening or being able to discover things about yourself that you had been suppressing or had forgotten about, but I guess I was wrong. 

Him: Topic 12

“Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Whips And Chains Excite Me So Throw Me Down, Tie Me Up, Show Me That You Like Me”

BDSM is on of those terms that, for me, rolls easily off the tongue. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m personally in to some forms of BDSM or that its been something I’ve seen from a young age. My dad is in a long term committed relationship with a professional Dominatrix, so BDSM has never been very far from the norm for me. 

I remember been fourteen or fifteen and helping my dad mount a St. Andrews Cross on the wall of his bedroom. Bonding at its finest right there! I think though, that seeing all of that stuff whenever I would stay with my dad was a good thing. Seeing his bag of clothes pins and ball gags and lengths of rope in many ways prepared me for what would become my own fetishes. 

I’m not into Hardcore BDSM, in fact I only like the idea of tying a partner up and tormenting them with pleasure, not pain. The idea of hurting another person, while thrilling, is something I don’t know if I could do with just anyone. Who knows though, I might find that right guy or girl someday that wants more than anything to be tied up and spanked or whipped, and I would be willing to do it.

I think in the grand scheme of things though I would be called a “Switch” because while the idea of tying someone up is attractive to me, being tied up and told what to do gives me a major thrill. I think a big part of that though comes from my natural dominance in my daily life, and the thrill of having someone take that away from me. 

I suppose I’m also a little bit of a masochist as well, I do enjoy some pain, just nothing extreme. In a sexual situation I love to be scratched or bitten by my partner, a combination of the two is always great too. Not enough to necessarily draw blood or anything, but hard enough to make it hurt, which always gives that extra little thrill to sex. 

I think I’m made it abundantly clear that I more than think BDSM is alright, I think it’s fantastic. It is also one of the fastest growing fetish groups around today, it’s starting to become a part of the mainstream. Honestly I say it’s about time, I mean, forms of BDSM have been around forever. 

Because I’m just curious about things like sexual topics and the bible, I found this wonderful little QandA that I thought I would share with you that concerns BDSM: 

“Question: “What does the Bible say about BDSM?”

Answer: BDSM stands for bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism. The term can refer to the subculture of people who are interested in dominance/submission and sadomasochism, or it can refer more simply to a couple who incorporates some dominatrix/submissive role-playing as a part of their sexual relationship. Needless to say, the Bible does not mention BDSM, whether as a part of sexual relations or separate from it.

In regards to the “marriage bed” (Hebrews 13:4), the Bible does not give many restrictions to what a married couple can do sexually with each other. Beyond adultery (threesomes, swapping, etc.) and pornography, which the Bible clearly and explicitly identifies as sin, a good principle seems to be the “mutual consent” mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:5. If a husband and his wife are in full agreement, with neither being forced or coerced, God has given married couples freedom in regards to what takes place in the “marriage bed.” Could this freedom include black leather costumes, non-violent bondage, and role-playing? There is nothing in the Bible that explicitly restricts such activities.

With that said, there are definitely dark aspects to BDSM in which a Christian should have no part. Receiving sexual pleasure through the giving or receiving of pain is not in agreement with what the Bible says about sex. Sex is to be an expression of love, affection, passion, gentleness, selflessness, and commitment. Sex is to be the literal/physical expression of a married couple being “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). To bring pain, degradation, or humiliation into the sexual relationship distorts what it is supposed to be, even when it is consensual. The more extreme aspects of BDSM reek of Satanism/paganism and are definitively ungodly and perverted.

In regards to the BDSM subculture, the need to dominate and/or be dominated in a relationship, whether sexual or non-sexual, reveals a psyche in need of being redeemed by God through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died to set us free from sin and its consequences (Luke 4:18; Galatians 5:1). Jesus Christ always demonstrated servant leadership, not dominance, in His relationships with others (John 13). The need to dominate and the desire to be dominated are spiritually unhealthy. Even if some “innocent” or fun aspects of BDSM are allowable within the context of marriage, the vast majority of what takes place in BDSM is absolutely not Christian or Christ-like in any sense. ”

So I’m curious, We all now know that I think BDSM is a fantastic form of sexuality, what do you think? And what do you think about the answer at the end of this post? Tell us below in the comments. 

Her: Topic #5

This topic is very interesting to me as I work with LGBTQ issues and the military has always been an interest of mine. I have read several book about the history and repeal of DADT, one book in particular stands out to me is “Our Time: Breaking the Silence of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’”. This book goes into the stories of actual military members who have personally been affected by DADT.

In response to the questions I posed in the Topic Info post…

What do you think of the repeal and the initial implementation?

-The repeal is one of the best things that could have happened. I don’t think that somebody’s sexual orientation determines whether they are fit for service or not. And for the initial implementation - what were they thinking?!?!?

Do you think gay/lesbian/bisexual services members will feel safe enough to serve openly, or do you think there will always be some caution due to the past?

-I think military members will be reserved in being completely open. Once it becomes normal and in several years once the repeal isn’t so fresh in everybody’s mind I think it won’t even be a matter of safety and opening up to one’s military unit. But the past will always be there so I’m sure some people won’t feel comfortable opening up completely.

Do you think that the same rights of serving will ever be given to transgender individuals?

-I hope so! If a person is able to pass all of the physical and mental requirements I don’t think gender or changing one’s gender should be an issue.

I have seriously considered joining the military myself, and if I was serving with someone who was gay, I wouldn’t care as long as they had my back, and I feel that that is the attitude everybody should take when viewing gay/bi/lesbian people in the military.

Her: Topic #3

This topic sparked my interest (and thus made me decide to pick it) because I really wanted to know what the difference between pansexual and bisexual. 

First, before I go on, I want to note that when I “define” these terms such as bi, pan, gay, lesbian, etc. I am using a more literal, “webster’s” definition. I do however realize that everybody can have their own meaning of these words and their definition may not line up with mine exactly. With that being said…

I think that pansexual individuals are fortunate that they have the capacity to be attracted to many different people. I think that some people may confuse the idea of pansexuality though. Just because you have the capacity to like many different people does not mean you like EVERYBODY. As a matter of fact the same goes for any sexual orientation, just because you are gay does not mean you will be attracted to every guy, lesbians every women, etc. Just like every straight person isn’t attracted to every member of the opposite sex. 

Now I have a question for you the readers…if someone that is bisexual finds someone trans to be attractive, but do not know that they are trans at first, then later find out and are still attracted, are they pansexual? Some food for thought. :)

My answer, as my economics professor would say: IT DEPENDS!!!!!

But anyways, I think that pansexuality is interesting and its wonderful that some people are able to love people without having to worry about gender. Most people I know that are considered themselves as pansexual, choose not to identify using the word pansexual, but rather queer. Now I’m not even going to attempt to define queer because it really is a case by case label, but according to http://jfhcp.org/home/bisexual-pansexual-queer/ they define queer as “an umbrella term for sexual minorities that are not heterosexual, heteronormative, or gender-binary. Like pansexuals, queer persons have sexual and emotional attractions to members of any sex or gender (including those who are neither male nor female).”

I think this is an interesting topic, and I could go on forever, but I will end it with this quote from a Facebook group:

“Being Pansexual and Liking Someone For WHO They Are Rather Than WHAT”